obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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