Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think your dad took our porno
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
