so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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