My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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