pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
