What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
