So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
