Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
