he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
