U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
