There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The air was thick with penises
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
