Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You are a genius and a whore.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
