I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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