Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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