I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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