she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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