You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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