If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
