Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
