I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
