SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
