Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
