I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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