I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
