we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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