why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
