When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
