I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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