please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
