Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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