I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
