I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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