Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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