I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
