If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
