If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
