I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
