Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
