i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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