i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
