She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
