Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
