Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
