hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I didn't notice because vodka
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
