everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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