Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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