Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
love makes seman taste better
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
