take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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