youre lurking in front of me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
