you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You don't make any sense
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