just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
