I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
