I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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