This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
