You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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