you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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