He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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