What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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