His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
