Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize