We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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