I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
