Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
