just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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