It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
