It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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