My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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