How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
