two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
