You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
