did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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