well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
