Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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