she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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