this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
