youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
