I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
