Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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