Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
