Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
